What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 02:20
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She married twice! .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Why am I so tired of seeing homeless people all over the place?
I was very sick at this time too.
I have no regrets .
She found it foreign!.
How Many Burgers Are Too Many Burgers? Here's What Health Experts Advise. - HuffPost
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im still living with it.
Do you think Japan will have same-sex marriage by 2030?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Would this be the day?
Have you ever accidentally found out that you were about to be fired?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
What was your most embarrassing and humiliating bare bottom spanking?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why are most girls not open to the idea of anal sex?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
How is TikTok able to censor porn?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
And i lived it daily.
What is your review of "Regent", episode 5 of Season 2 House of the Dragon?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She was in good health!
My family never makes their pension either.
Does CloudFlare protect blackhat sites from DDOS attacks?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
What is the most gay experience with your dad?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
So whats the point in blame.
What kind of person makes you think "how come there are people like that"?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
When she asked me how she looked .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I know ,a lot about trauma.
It was going to be , some day.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We all went to grammer schools
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
All the time i was locked up.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was seconnd youngest,
I was 9 years of age.
But it wasn’t much.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She loved him until the end.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Comes on , in middle age.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I waited trembling.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I don,t even have a pension.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Put me off passion for life!!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He knew the spot.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
We were not on the streets..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My life is so biszare .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
What did i know ?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He resisted the act ,that day.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I write beautiful poetry .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But, we were locked up after school.
This is soul school!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Who then, do I blame.?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She wouldn,t have been !
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
So, i spoilt her more .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I said to her
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I could never make a relationship work though!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
One cannot live in the past .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I think the readers, may guess!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
(And it was in our own minds.)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was scared of men, in general
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I never cut or harmed myself..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I will be 64.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Ive learnt so much.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I did it because my mum asked me too!